Swissitude

The train takes less of the strain

Posted on May 14, 2012 by admin

A study published by the Federal Office for Statistics last week shows that people in Switzerland spend an hour and a half each day travelling. Follow the link and you may be disappointed to find that it’s only in French or German but it’s worth it just to marvel at the sheer level of detail, with the interactive version (“interactive” here simply meaning that the individual Excel sheets have been uploaded behind links that are loosely grouped into categories) averaging about 50 separate Excel sheets for each of the categories they have been broken down into.

If you are that way inclined you can, for example, determine the number of minutes and/or the distance in kilometres a student spends travelling by foot each day and for what purpose. And the survey goes from such pure statistics to people’s strategy for dealing with traffic jams. I was hoping to get some insight here that might help me avoid jams but the main attitudes (regardless of whether the jam is on the way to work, to the shops or to a holiday) are 1) factor in the jam to your journey or 2) leave earlier. I’ve always wondered about the logic behind the second option. Apparently around 30 per cent of people choose this one in most cases. Doesn’t that just increase the traffic before the jam by around 30 per cent and just help to prepare the ground for the main event?

Most of the Swiss press were happy enough to regurgitate the press release that accompanied this deluge of statistics and, quite frankly, having had a quick look through them, I can understand why. They are not presented very clearly, there are recurrent and unexplained abbreviations and there is too much detail and not enough summary.

One of the key figures presented in the press release is that the average Swiss resident travels the equivalent of half way around the world each year (20,500km to be exact). But what is not made clear is that this includes all journeys, so commuting, leisure travel and even holidays. So if the average person, say, flies half way around the world for their holidays (and then back) they would be left considerably in debit and would have to stay indoors for the next year.

Also, the average daily journey in French-speaking Switzerland seems to be 34.2km, which makes me wonder who is doing all the much shorter journeys, given that all the trains are permanently packed on the Geneva to Lausanne line every day.

Panthers in our midst… maybe

Posted on May 10, 2012 by admin

Switzerland is not about to be overrun by wild animals, but a couple of recent stories are certainly out of the ordinary.

With the snow in the Engadin region of Switzerland’s far east still falling in late April, a lone bear that had originally been released into the wild in western Austria wandered close to populated areas and was seen by a number of people.

The bear was fitted with a GPS receiver, so the local equivalent of the gamekeeper could fire off a few warning shots if the catchily-named M13 got too close to civilisation. Since it was first sighted it has been generating regular headlines as the Swiss media track its progress. But even the British press have had an appetite for the story, but UK commuter rag Metro obviously thought the name was not catch enough and went for the highly original “Yogi“.

As if the presence of a bear wasn’t excitement enough, the situation became a bit more unpredictable when the GPS signal was lost after the bear withstood a collision with a train, of all things. A relative of the same animal, unsurprisingly dubbed M14, was actually killed in similar circumstances – a road traffic accident – in the South Tirol region of Italy last year.

More recently there have been four separate sightings (all unconfirmed, I hasten to add) of what appears to be a black panther in the Kestenholz forest in the canton of Solothurn. The weird thing here is that nobody has any idea where the beast could have come from. No zoos, circuses or even private individuals have reported such an animal as missing.

As astonishing as it might seem that a bear could cross the border between Switzerland and Austria so easily, the panther would seem to be the same animal that was sighted in southern Germany last autumn, which suggests that it has wandered even further.

All we need now is a new wolf in the Valais for the full set! But this appears to pale into insignificance in the face of the true extent of wild animals’ occupation of Europe, as Der Spiegel’s English-language news site helpfully explains with its guide to wildlife in Europe.

“You can’t modernise death”

Posted on May 6, 2012 by admin

interactive_cemetary — Press Ctrl-Alt-Delete to resurrect?

It seemed appropriate to post this on a Sunday… The words in the title are from Edmond Pittet, Lausanne’s supreme undertaker (or “Directeur des Pompes Funèbres Générales de Lausanne” to give him his proper title) in response to the decision by my beautiful home town of Morges not to install an interactive guide to its cemetery.

Unlike Geneva’s commune of Carouge, which has already installed such technology in its cemetery, Morges councillors (and “experts in death”, as quoted from the newspaper 24 Heures in the other newspaper 20 Minutes, but sadly missing any mention in their online article) decided that a place of eternal rest is no place for such a device.

Cue a litany of clichés (loosely translated): “We should leave time for time” and the supremely ironic quote from the title “You can’t modernise death”.

Rather than spend 15,000 francs on such a device, the cemetery will instead be refurbished… at a cost of 155,000 Swiss francs, but in a more traditional spirit. This means that the unfortunate tourists who come to Morges cemetery expecting to find the grave of Audrey Hepburn will continue to leave perplexed. The actress was actually laid to rest in nearby Tolochenaz.

Opening hours in Switzerland – a minor liberalisation in sight

Posted on May 4, 2012 by admin

While my acquaintances across the “fried potato cake divide” in German-speaking Switzerland, particularly those in Zurich, may enjoy relatively long opening hours (at least on weekdays), those of us in the French-speaking cantons still have to get our necessities in before 6.30pm on a weekday or join the rest of the canton in the major supermarkets any time before 6pm on a Saturday. If we run out of anything on a Sunday then we know that our only options are a train station with a shop or a petrol station.

But a new law may come into effect that will allow shops to open 24 hours and even on Sundays. Progress! Well yes, but not quite as much as you might expect. This new provision, which still has to be approved by the supreme Council of States, would only apply to shops at motorway services or near to main transport routes.

The unions are already announcing plans for a referendum to object to this. Those familiar with unemployment in the Anglo-Saxon world may – justifiably – laugh at their reasons. They are basically worried about a deterioration in working conditions and “an explosion of night and Sunday jobs”. Switzerland must be about the only country in Europe at the moment that could be worried about an “explosion” of jobs – whether night-time or otherwise.

But with unemployment hovering around 4.1 per cent in Switzerland (down from 4.2 per cent in the last quarter of 2011, according to the Federal Office of Statistics), the Swiss can afford to be choosy. Switzerland’s unemployment rate is less than half that of the EU’s average and, perhaps more importantly, the number of people in employment also rose last year by 2.6 per cent.

On the same day as this news it was also announced that Nespresso will be opening a new factory in the canton of Fribourg that will ultimately employ up to 400 people. So things are still a long way off even mildly worrying, as compared with the disaster scenarios playing out in some of the European Union’s more southerly members. Don’t expect to be able to do your weekly shop at the Coop on a Sunday any time soon.

Cars: to buy or to lease?

Posted on April 20, 2012 by admin

Although Switzerland’s free daily commuter rag 20 Minutes seemed mainly concerned with Jessie J’s sexuality this morning, devoting the equivalent of an entire page to two photos of her, one taking up almost half of the cover page, there were other, more important, stories in the paper.

One was about the commune of Cossonay’s idea of putting little flags into the ground wherever they find some dog dirt that the owner has failed to clear up in a responsible manner. The aim is to raise awareness of the problem and shame people into cleaning up after their pets. The problem appears to be so serious that it even made the local official bulletin. French speakers can read an entire page devoted to this menace here.

But the story that interested me just that little bit more was the one about Swiss people’s car purchasing habits. Why are they interesting? Because they are divided along linguistic borders, surprise surprise, in that the “Latins” in the French and Italian-speaking parts of the country prefer to lease, while their German-speaking brethren prefer to pay cash.

The study was carried out by comparison website comparis.ch, who don’t get a link here because the study is not available on their website. But they offer comparisons for car leasing and it’s therefore in their interest to know who to pitch their ads to. Although the total proportion of leased cars nationally is 18 per cent, in the Ticino it is 30 per cent and Neuchâtel and Jura it’s not far behind at 29 per cent. The rate is lowest in central Switzerland, which is perhaps not surprising given that the tax advantages offered by leasing are obviously less interesting in the very cantons where tax rates are low and, in some cases, non-existent.

Comparis, however, prefers to attribute these differences to “differences in mentality”, which does nothing to break down national stereotypes. One myth that the study does dispel, though, is that young people lease more than older people do. In fact, the 40-50 year olds are just as likely to lease as the under 30s. But the over sixties paradoxically prefer to pay cash.

Switzerland’s 2012 TV ad targets Emmerdale fans, not football fans

Posted on April 18, 2012 by admin

Today marked the 100 day countdown to the London 2012 Olympic Games. To “celebrate” the occasion, one of the prime advertising breaks of the evening on UK television – between the news and Emmerdale on ITV 1 – was dominated by Olympic sponsors such as Procter & Gamble and Co. bringing out their star ambassadors to remind us that the profits from their everyday consumer goods (such as those 50-franc eight-packs of Fusion Powerglide razor blades) are helping to finance the Olympic Games.

This is on the same night as the Champions League semi-final between Chelsea and Barcelona, which at the time of writing is also live on ITV 1. So there are probably some even more expensive ad breaks – and equally expensive ads – to come.

But I was surprised to find an unusual ad just before the Champions League came on. Unusual because of both the advertiser and the advertisement itself.

It’s basically Switzerland plc. (or inc. if you insist) continuing its series of ads to show that the country has a sense of humour, while there is not necessarily a guarantee of sun, sand, cheap beer and tartily dressed women, the scenery is not bad and you might want to try it as an alternative to sticking around to see an influx of tourists and athletes this summer, blocking all the UK airports and clogging up the country’s hotels and London’s transport infrastructure. All at the taxpayer’s expense. Allegedly. The UK press never likes to let the truth get in the way of scaremongering or political bias. (Look no further than here to see how the Games are funded in reality).

The ad conveys the care and attention that the average Heinz Schweizer, Henriette Suisse or Enrico Svizzero is dedicating to the wellbeing of any tourists who may wish to visit the country. It’s all done very tongue in cheek and there is, of course, no mention of the off-hand or sometimes downright insulting service you may get in any choice of restaurant, department store or other “service-oriented” facility. The shocking expense that a tourist from practically any country other than Switzerland might encounter is also glossed over.

Either way, despite (or perhaps because of) the strength of the Swiss franc, the official tourist office of Switzerland, myswitzerland.com, seems to have money to aim squarely at the UK mass market for tourism. I’m not sure whether the mass market should really be their target audience, given the cost of taking a holiday in Switzerland, particularly for a family with children. I wouldn’t want to dissuade anyone from coming here. After all, I’ve lived here for 15 years so it can’t be all that bad. But I don’t think it’s enough of a holiday destination that meets all needs to warrant prime time TV advertising. Watch this space for this year’s tourist figures!

The price of drugs on Lausanne’s streets (with as little as 2 per cent heroin)

Posted on April 11, 2012 by admin

I’m no expert in drugs, thankfully, but I’ve always been annoyed at the frustratingly obvious chain of black men that line the entire route from the station in Lausanne right up to the end of Rue du Bourg of an evening, apparently just loitering.

Of course, their constant nocturnal presence, at carefully spaced intervals, could have a totally innocent explanation. But when they were still there during this winter’s extreme cold snap, when temperatures plummeted to almost minus 20, my adherence to the universal tenet of “innocent until proven guilty” was stretched to its limits.

It’s even more frustrating when you learn just how difficult it would actually be to prove that these individuals are guilty of any crime. They are quite openly dealing in drugs, which a recent article in 20 Minutes suggests could be cut with up to 98 per cent of extraneous substances, such as sugar or paracetemol. But regardless of the level of purity of the merchandise they are peddling, these individuals would only end up with a year’s prison sentence if they are caught selling (or I suppose “possession with intent to supply” in English legal parlance) at least 12 grammes of pure heroin. Even taking the average of the 8-14 per cent purity suggested by 20 Minutes, this means that an offender would have to be caught with roughly half a kilo of product (a value of over 10,000 francs at a suggested retail price of 25 francs per gramme) in order to be prosecuted.

And how many of them do you think are walking around with a brick of heroine or cocaine in their back pocket? Probably about as many as there are “normal” people walking around with 10,000 francs in cash in their pocket. Which means that apart from the odd unwelcome intrusion from the police they are free to hang around menacingly around the city centre streets with no fear whatsoever.

The art of April Foolery in (French-speaking) Switzerland

Posted on April 5, 2012 by admin

The concept of April Fools does exist in Switzerland. In the French-speaking part they are referred to as poisons d’avril (“April fish”), for reasons that elude me. Despite what the stereotypes might suggest, they do exist in the German-speaking part as well (as indeed they do in Germany as far as I can remember), where they are referred to by the more workmanlike Aprilscherz (“April joke”).

I had never paid much attention to the 1st of April since I had been in Switzerland. It always seemed to be a disappointment to the shenanigans that go on in England. When I was still at school, my mom used to catch me out without fail every year by waking me up (sometimes earlier than usual) to tell me that it was snowing. It never was, of course, but given the ridiculously unseasonal weather that England has experienced this week, this ruse probably wouldn’t have been as effective.

While companies in England have taken a light-hearted approach to the day for a number of years, publishing blatantly far-fetched advertisements, such as those by BMW, which even if you are momentarily taken in usually reassure you with an obviously comical contact person. One of my favourites, I remember, was when I was still at school, which means that this tradition has been going on for over 25 years. I can’t remember the theme of the advertisement off hand but I will never forget the contact person at the bottom of the text, who was “Hugh Felfrett”. BMW didn’t disappoint this year, either, as the advertisement below shows. Once again, just for reassurance, readers interested in acquiring the technology can contact alvin.alaff@bmw.co.uk.

Unfortunately, the Swiss watch industry has appeared to have taken a liking to the prankery but dispensed with the tell-tale signs of an April Fool. So I have to admit that I was so taken in by one story I received that I published it on our magazine’s website. When I say “taken in”, that actually suggests that there were clear signals that it was an April Fool. Judge for yourself here. The original text was in French but its faithfully translated on their website. If a brand is launching a new diver’s watch, is that such an implausible suggestion? I cannot do is decipher some insider joke that may only be understood by a restricted group within the watchmaking community.

A couple more stories emerged on the day, which was thankfully a Sunday, meaning that the majority of them could be debunked before any further damage was done on Monday. Both of the stories seemed quite far-fetched. But in the watch industry there appears to be no limits to the marketing ideas people can come up with. If, for example, a watch brand can legitimately market timepieces fashioned out of steel salvaged from the Titanic, are we really going to know at first glance that Hublot’s deal to brand all the helicopter pads in Sao Paolo is just an April Fool prank?

It’s great to see a small handful of watch brands taking up the April Fool spirit, but it is supposed to be about humour. You are supposed to be able to have a chuckle at the skill of some of the pranks, but it should also be sufficiently obvious that it’s an April Fool. The story about Shaun Ryder becoming a government advisor is a good example and the Independent’s review of the UK’s April Fools stories in print shows how they are the perfect balance between half-plausible and humorous.

So what do you think? Have you come across April Fools in other areas in Switzerland? Do you share the same frustrations? Am I being to severe?

Switzerland’s top salaried CEOs are not who you would think

Posted on March 29, 2012 by admin

You would think that the top earners in Switzerland would be the CEOs of the country’s biggest companies. It’s logical, surely? Apart from the foreign multi-millionaires and billionaires who make Switzerland their home because – as long as they are not actually earning their money in Switzerland – they only have to pay tax on the equivalent rental value of their house, you would expect the people running the biggest companies in the country, saddled with the most responsibility and generating the most value for shareholders to be the best rewarded.

Well, some of this holds true, but it is by no means the case for all companies. A report today circulated across the ATS newswire service refers to a report originally published by Deloitte (and available here) that lists six Swiss companies in the world’s top 250 “consumer goods” companies. For the benefit of this report, however, “consumer goods” appears to include everything from food (Nestlé) to luxury goods (Richemont, Rolex and the Swatch Group), but strangely not the big pharmaceutical companies.

Nestlé is by far Switzerland’s biggest company by turnover, raking in close to 90 billion francs last year and making it the second biggest consumer goods company in the world according to Deloitte’s ranking, behind Korea’s Samsung. Nestlé even dwarfs the mighty Apple.

But you have to look way down the table to find the next Swiss companies, which are the big watch groups, with Richemont in 80th place, then Swatch Group in 118th place. But these are based on 2010 figures in US dollars and, since Swatch Group broke the 7 billion franc barrier last year, it probably overtakes Richemont. We find Rolex in 118th place, sandwiched between the Del Monte food company and Puma, with a claimed turnover of 3.6 billion dollars, though it’s unclear where this figure comes from, with Rolex being owned by a foundation, which is not obliged to publish any financial figures.

Another report, published today on the website moneyhouse.ch, makes interesting reading when compared with the list of the top 250 companies. It lists the top-earning CEOs in Switzerland. It’s little surprise that, behind the two big pharma companies in Basel, Nestlé’s CEO Paul Bulcke takes a respectable third place with his 11.58 million franc annual stipend (a mere Ferrari off one million francs per month).

But hold on, who is that in fourth place, earning a cool 10.31 million and way ahead of any of the CEOs from any of the watchmaking groups or financial services companies? It’s Ernst Tanner, CEO of the chocolate company Lindt & Sprungli, which sold under 2.5 billion francs worth of confectionery last year.

Now I understand why he looks so happy in this advertisement by Credit Suisse (whose CEO Brady Dougan incidentally earns just over half of Mr Tanner’s annual salary).

Swiss Railways trial traditional British technology

Posted on March 26, 2012 by admin

The Swiss Railway network is dense, efficient and popular. So popular, in fact, that it is not the density or the timetable that makes trains late. No, it is in fact the people who try to use them as a means of transport. Any Brit who has tried to catch a train at rush hour knows why. It’s a simple consequence of the absence of traditional British technology, particularly prevalent in Switzerland in general but also witnessed elsewhere in continental Europe.

Technology may be a bit of an exaggeration for the concept of queueing, but if we can set up studies to determine the flow of crowds then why should queueing be any different. And if it’s not a technology, how come so many people have such trouble adopting it?

So ingrained is the aversion to queueing among the Swiss that the Swiss Railways have noticed it is having an adverse effect on the reliability of their trains. People just amass all in the same place and a half-organised scrum then ensues as people try to get on the train. The Swiss may joke about us Brits saying “After you,” to which the reply is “No, after you” and so on ad infinitum. But the exact opposite seems to occur over here. Many a time I have found myself alongside someone else at the train door only to be jostled hastily out of the way, or seen someone appear from nowhere behind me just to waltz to the head of scrum.

Could this now become a thing of the past as the SBB/CFF/FFS start trials in the stations of Aarau, Lenzburg and Solothurn? Announcements are being made to encourage people to spread themselves along the platform. I’d love to hear one just to see what they actually say. Did people really need to be told that this is a more efficient way of getting on a train???

Tags